Relationship - "Let's get married!" Or 10 reasons for marriage
"People meet, people fall in love, get married ..." - proclaims the old hit-established scenario in which the developing life of almost everyone. But having studied the statistics of divorce, necessarily become thoughtfull: why, in fact, men and women generally marry?
What really is the driving force, provoking the adults (and not) individuals to commit such a serious step, when it is possible to live only for themselves, without any liability to eternal dissatisfied husband / wife and children are bored? The answer to this question can be found in today's article.
The reasons for forming a person's intention to create their own family, are directly dependent on the specific situation. Although it is possible to identify common points. It is believed that a woman's desire to marry developed than in man. The explanation for this is quite simple: in the fairer sex is genetically incorporated the need to feel protected. And who, if not a man, is able to provide such a comfortable state of the lady?
It turns out that following the lead of nature, in exchange for a sense of security and reliability, the woman considers it his duty to become a homemaker, to realize itself as a wife and mother. The man receives as a result of marriage, caring, and almost maternal tenderness.
Thus, marriage - a kind of substitute for the original, parent family, with the only difference being that the main role in the new unit of society has to play "full-fledged" children. That is the theory. What happens in practice?
When there is between people mutual attraction, passion flares up, it is natural to want to be close to his elect (chosen ones), always and everywhere. And not just to be there and to live under the same roof, to have a joint household, to give birth to the fruit of love - the total baby (or more children). As a rule, the ardor burns quickly, is replaced by the consistent, more even feeling characterized as mutual tenderness and care about each other and their offspring. And then there comes a critical moment: exposed and begin to irritate partner shortcomings, love melts slowly and without the application of mutual efforts to maintain and even restore fire, such a marriage is fraught with divorce and doom children to grow up in single-parent family.
There are times when paired one person loves another with all my heart, not without presenting his life, and the second to the first experiences pity because of the inability to respond to him in return. The conclusion of the conjugal union, in this case also short-lived. You can not force yourself to fall in love with a particular subject, no matter how hard you try.
Another type of marriage, "involved" in a one-sided pity represents the following formula: healthy partner + partner having significant physical defects, injury. The first experiences in this situation pity mixed with aching tenderness that often mistook for love, has taken on responsibility for the spouse and the lion's share of family responsibilities. This was well expressed in the novel Helena Lagutina "keeping warm":
"The most terrible thing - it's when love degenerates into self-pity. The most terrible mutants that you can imagine. "
And there is no guarantee that, if suddenly on the path of life leading partner was a man, his equal, he does not want radical changes and normal relations.
3. Pregnancy outside of marriage partner's
The most common reason for a formal alliance, especially if the girl is a minor. Marriage in this case is perceived by both partners as a way out of this situation, immediately a man - as an opportunity to show himself as a man respectable and worthy of respect. Here are just doing this, though noble, but often forced. Therefore, such a marriage is very fragile: desirable woman quickly turns into a burden, were born children generally bind his hands and feet. In general, in most cases divorce is inevitable.
In our country there is a long-held belief that a woman or a man after 25 years, still free from the bonds of marriage - indecent, extraordinary phenomenon that violates the canons and traditions that evolved over the centuries.
Today the influence of the West, where people, noting its thirtieth anniversary, just beginning to think about the family, made some changes in the Russian mentality on this issue. But it will need more than a decade to completely eradicate from human consciousness remnants of the past.
So far, uncommon for the relatives and friends of the so-called "old maids" and "inveterate bachelors" are beginning to apply to the latter suggestion, pimping and other methods in order to make a single destiny. Everyone is different: some confidently stand on his own, rejecting foreign aid, others will sooner or later give up and make a big step under pressure.
Well, if this acquaintance will turn the mutual love and respect, but in the case of marriage / marriage without the slightest sympathy for the partner and the desire of this event, but only to put an end to daily brainwashing, nothing good from such a marriage will not work.
5. The despotism of the family
The reason for lust escape from his father's home by creating their own family nest can act authoritarian parents striving for early isolation of the individual. Constant control and pressure from the mother / father leads to the fact that the independence and autonomy of a growing child sees as the only way to break out of prison over the related authorities / guardianship and prove themselves, prove oppressive parents, that he / she is no longer a child and may dispense with their morals and guidelines. Quality potential partner did not pay much attention, because, as you know, "to achieve the goal of all good." But, alas, this kind of marriage rarely have a long and happy atmosphere. Using a human for their own purposes in any case low, and the secret always becomes clear. The result: a disappointment and the broken heart of the second partner.
6. Marriage spite previous candidate for a place in the heart and life of
This cause formalize relations consonant with the previous one. Man decides to such a crucial step as marriage, in order to prove the possibility to be happy with another partner ex-fiance / fiancee. The motif is simple and goes something like this: "He / she will look at me good, serene marriage and will bite your elbows, a lifetime to regret that missed the me."
But in pursuit of its own interests, a person does not think of the sacrifice of the situation. Previous love does not go out of my head, nervousness and shame translate into failures, this husband / wife annoys principle "can endure-slyubitsya" ends in a fiasco. It is not difficult to guess the result of the marriage.
7. Low self-esteem
Insecure people feel worse than others. And if he is also lonely, feeling of inferiority worse. The idea arises: you get married / get married to grow in the eyes of others and their own.
In principle, marriage, built on the desire to improve self-esteem is also based on evidence. But if the partner will fall significant and respected, in case of reciprocity such a union has the right to life. Then the means really justify the goal.
8. Material calculation of
In recent years, marriages for this reason, more frequent. Moreover, willing to engage in such a relationship, both women and men. And even a huge difference in age is not a hindrance. Only from such a marriage, there is a downside: for the good life will have to pay for their freedom and the right to vote
Eternal dependence tempted by no means all. Therefore, marriages of convenience also sometimes fall. But more still last for years, as a material role in the modern world is quite high.
9. The fear of loneliness
Basically marriage for this reason that women enter. Not all, but only those that do not see and do not accept a self-realization in this life than to get married and have a baby. And for them, absolutely does not matter with whom to start a family.
The main thing - a living person next to the infamous "glass of water" from a native child of his old age. Except that such marriages are called "escape from loneliness" is often just the loneliness and end. As in the proverb: "For that fought for it and ran."
10. Like all
This is the most common reason for the creation of the conjugal union. One woman asked about her deceased spouse: "You married for love?" Replied: "In love ?! What do you! All went to marry - well, and I went to ... ". And such cases - a dime a dozen, with regard to it's not just women.
That is, here it plays a big role stereotyped patterns of social behavior. And, of course, any lack of personal opinion, and whatever was individuality. Many simply unaware that every man has his own life, his own destiny. And, accordingly, the time of marriage should not be defined by some common stereotypes. Otherwise, the result of such a union can be too "like everyone else", at least, many ... Whatever the reason for implementation of intentions life formalize the relationship with the selected person, it is important that afterwards she did not humiliate the latter and not auknulos, so these things started a company.
Each believes that there is, in a beautiful garden with a light called "Marriage" it expect paradise. But "you can not find happiness in marriage, if you do not bring it with him," according to the Internet I found a quotation, unfortunately, author unknown to me. And even more so if, instead of bring happiness to create a family only imposed their own ambitions and beliefs.
Nadezhda Ponomarenko, especially for our website